Hear me Roar

I just read an article on CNN.com about new airport security technology that people are trying to ban due to the fact that they can "see you naked". I have several things to say in response to this.

1. Who cares if some random security guard locked in a room far away from the actual scanning site sees a faceless, blurry image of you naked?
2. This image is not being recorded, and chances are (unless you think VERY highly of yourself) unnamed guard is not going to remember you as he/she sees probably 10,000 naked blurry robot pictures in one day.
3. On the argument that security officials in LA are going to make millions by selling pictures of naked celebrities (see point one: they can's see your face) (see point two: they can't record the image) (SO yeah, what you're talking about is only a potential for the future, where it is also a potential that we will no longer need airports at all due to all the hover crafts and flying cars) also I'm pretty sure that most of said celebrities already have naked pictures of themselves circulating the Internet so nothing new there.
4. Aren't there enough important things going on in this world? Do we REALLY need to focus on this? I don't know if these scanners will really aid in stopping terrorists, or if they are worth spending the money on (hmmm, that would be a more worthwhile argument) but if they do I guess I don't really care if Joe Shmo gets at peek at the ladies.

Since I am ranting I have two other things to add:

1. (or is it 5?) I am SO sick of every fictional TV wedding being officiated by a woman. WE GET IT HOLLYWOOD, you are SO forward thinking and liberal. Oh wait, even my Southern Baptist church in GA had female pastors.
2. If Miley Cyrus is fat (or even 'normal'), I think I will just stay inside all summer.

Google This

Today is day 2 of my exercise free life.

SO with all my new found time (and trying not to move my leg as it is KILLING me) I have decided to try to broaden my online horizons. This is what I found so far.



After discovering a paragraph devoted to a fire breathing dragon in Job 41 I began to wonder, is there anyone out there who thinks that dragons/fire-breathing dinosaurs were real? You can imagine I was NOT disappointed by the barrage of google results, especially the fanatical Christian websites and conspiracy web pages. I did find one site that also traced the origins of the unicorn to their closely related (and actually real) cousins, the narwhals. You can imagine my delight. I decided not to reference the site as its creator had some less than ideal views on Jewish people and aliens. I digress

Eventually my fire breathing dinosaur googling led me to a website devoted to the robot below. I. AM. TERRIFIED.





A bit shaken up by what will soon become my latest nightmare about robots, I took a new approach to my surfing, and went straight to the news...you can see I immediately honed in on the important stuff. I was already planning on visiting NYC this year, so it wouldn't be crazy to just bump up my trip a little, right? And I am definitely interested in British affairs, so I expect I was already on the invite list for the benefit he will be attending...I always did like the bad boys...

Mutants Not Welcome Here

Today I went to the doctor and apparently I have torn a muscle in my leg doing this --well I was inside and I didn't look that cool, but nonetheless it really hurts! Sadly his remedy is not working out for A MONTH which means I'll probably end up looking like this. To make matters worse, or in other words to justify my self pity even more, he told me that I shouldn't go rock climbing at all due to my two mutant genetic blood conditions. (mutant condition X) (mutant condition Y) Up until now, I wasn't too worried about being a mutant for several obvious reasons:
1. I like X-Men and am currently awaiting confirmation that I have a superpower of some sort (I am hoping for unicorn vision or something involving elf ears)
2. It is cool to get up and roam the airplane with all the elderly people who are also avoiding mile high blood clots. We usually discuss our mutual love of knitting, V8, and living with more than 5 cats
3. My sister has hogged the medical drama in our family for too long--step aside Becky, for I too am a mutant (oh and by the way thanks for figuring out we had this and for dealing with a leg 10 sizes too big whilst 9 months pregnant...guess I owe you one)
4. My hematologist (that's right, I am 26 and have a hematologist, AND a podiatrist...not sexy?) said it really wouldn't affect my life and that since I am healthy and active I didn't need to change my lifestyle (except for popping a baby aspirin every once and a while). While apparently, she forgot to mention rock climbing. Not that I'm that much of a climber, but it was one of only a few lines I know to throw out at parties to increase my "serious and mysterious" factor since we all know the boys like rock climbing girls (Seriously guys, is it the spandex? Or the danger (sorry, not too dangerous when you're attached to a HARNESS and there is a BOUNCY FLOOR waiting to catch you below). Either way, guess I'll just have to save my mystery for these guys. Mutants Unite!

Zachopotamus

Dear Zachary,

I can't wait to meet you! Today is your birthday, and I am so excited I can barely sit still! I have to stay out in LA until tomorrow night, but I will come to meet you as soon as I can. I know you will have lots of sleeping to do before I get there. I am praying for you to come into the world safely. I know God has special plans for your life. You are such a special little man, who so many people already love before we have even met you. Since the moment I found out you were alive, I have waited for this day. Welcome my little Zachopotamus--I can't wait to kiss your fuzzy little head and sing you silly songs. I love you.

LaLa

Disaster Zone

So the other day I noticed this sign on my drive to work





Then as I turned off PCH and headed up the hill, I noticed this sign

I don't want to make light of tsunamis, but it kind of made me laugh when I looked at the website and saw this quote:

"While a tsunami threat to the Golden State is real, the potential for killer waves is far less likely than the earthquakes, wildfires, landslides and floods that plague the nation’s most populous state." http://latestnews.stanzooblogs.com/?p=4174



Made me feel REAL good. Case in point there was a sizable earthquake 30 minutes ago. The bad news was I couldn't feel my legs for about 10 minutes, but this is the FIRST time I've remembered to try to hide under the table (wine glass in hand-haha good timing earthquake). So all in all I feel prepared for all the disasters headed my way--after all they, in turn, may find me more of a disaster than they are ready to wrangle with.



In OTHER news I was at the store and saw that they are now making these




Yes that's right, the saturated market just made room for a candy bar with caffeine built in. Thanks--cause I couldn't just pick up a coffee with my fat bar.

Lastly I want to mention that for the third time in the past month I rode my bike up to Malibu and back and it is hands down one of my favorite parts of living in LA. I think I will add it to my summer list of must dos--also on the list: learn to play guitar and golf--that way at least I'll probably follow through on one item. If only I could avoid riding under the Santa Monica Pier or what I like to call "The tunnel of death and demon pigeons"...

Sigh

"My heart is full of rubber bands that keep getting caught on things"
--Butterfly Boucher, "Another White Dash"

Yet another life lesson from a tree

It is tree-trimming time in my neighborhood, and today they were out with a vengeance as I went on my morning walk. This is a joyous time for me, because one of the things on my "list" of wishes for my life is to ride in what I was taught to call a Cherry Picker--you know, the crane truck tree trimmer thing. If anyone has a hook up to make this happen, let me know--Seriously. Also I want to hold a puffin beat all the levels of Super Mario Bros 3 but I'm not holding my breath.

So I was walking past this one house, and I noticed that they had written notes and taped them to several of the trees on the border of their property. Obviously, I needed to read what was on those notes. They said "Hello tree trimmers, please do NOT trim my London Plane trees (Sycamores)". First of all, yes i DO wish I was on a plane to London right about now. Secondly, I liked how they went to the trouble to list both the actual tree name and the common name, as if the tree trimming crew would differentiate.

Quick side note--do you watch 30 Rock? It's really funny. Lately they've been doing this thing where they show the world through the eyes of some of the characters--Jack sees dollar values on everything and everyone, Tracy sees himself instead of other people, and my favorite Kenneth sees everyone as Muppets. I see metaphors and symbolism EVERYWHERE, so I think if someone where to video my point of view it would be trees that were telling my important life lessons and flowers that had little faces and were singing and waterfalls that played music and dogs and cats that were unicorns and narwhals with wisdom to impart.

ANYWAY, that side note was just to point out that I can't help myself to make a poetic metaphor involving those trees and my life. Suck it up, here it is. It struck me that I do that in my own life--I put little notes up for God to read, like "don't touch this" or "I'll just take care of this one" because I'm scared of what his idea of upkeep might look like in my life. And that is ridiculous, because he knows much better than I do what needs trimming and what doesn't. Let's be honest, the landscaper usually knows more about what needs to be done than the homeowner. But of course we want what we want, and oftentimes lack the perspective of one greater than ourselves. I know in my head that trees need to be trimmed, in order to produce a better bloom the following year, but my heart just reminds me that the trees look really stupid all pruned back and I just want the benefit of all the flowers with no downsides. There's also the idea that the trees are trimmed for the greater good of the whole neighborhood. If each was left to its own devices, pretty soon I wouldn't be able to drive down the street, or enjoy my morning walk without crazy leaves attacking me (and the scary spiders that sometimes are hanging from them!). Sadly I am so self focused that I usually care more about what this "trimming" or upkeep is doing to me rather than how it could be for the benefit of those around me.

Ironically after all that thinking I passed the house again and noticed that the trees really DIDN'T need trimming, but then I realized, who am I to say? So I thanked God for this day--hard times/trimming and all, and kept on walking.