Stepping onto an elevator is exciting, because you never know what kind of experience you might have. Aside from the possibility that you will 1. never again see the light of day because you are stuck inside a 4x4 deathcube or 2. never again see the light of day because you've plummeted to your death...you are probably going to have one of the following 3 experiences.
Situation One: Can you see me?
Involves you, alone on the elevator which may or may not have a mirrored ceiling, checking yourself out and possibly singing softly all the while wondering if there are hidden cameras watching you,
Situation Two: Faith in Humanity--Restored!
Sometimes elevator "drivebys" can be really uplifting. You know what I'm talking about. For the brief, 34 seconds that it takes you to go up to the mail room, you share a witty and charming conversation with a total stranger that ends with one of you wishing the other a good day as you giddily prance from the elevator. I love when that happens. Against all the odds, two strangers in a deathcube (in this case lifecube? Maybe not unless you're in an elevator with Jesus? But Jesus is everywhere, Lexi...ahhhhhhhhh you got me) manage to have an non-awkward and breezy social interaction in less than one minute while standing very close to one another without an agreed upon place to rest your eyes
which leads me to Situation Three: Awkwards Unite!
Unfortunately this is what usually seems to happen. Despite my 3 years of cotillion (thank you Atlanta Country Club for teaching me to wear gloves and wait for HIM to bring ME the punch) and gracious upbringing from Babs, I manage to lose all semblance of social niceties and stand awkwardly, counting each of my louder than an airplane runway breaths and seconds as they tick by until the door slowly creaks open and I try not to LEAP out of the Awkward Cube.
***There is an elusive, unicorn of a situation which I have indeed experienced, albeit only once.
Situation 4: Thank you God for this day of glory
In which case you find yourself on an elevator with Matt Leinart at the height of his attractiveness and football all-starness, in which all the lights go out and you ride in the dark for 4 floors, illuminated only by the blue glow of Matt's phone. I mean, I'm not that huge of a fan, but come on...that's just awesome
24 July 2009
23 July 2009
iWantone
I have had 3 iPods, none of which were purchased by me. Actually the people who gave them to me didn't even pay for them. Number one was given to me via my Dad via his company and I was oh so cool--the first person I knew to have one back in 2004...Number two was left in an Oakwood apartment that I was inspecting at my old job by the MTV employee who was living there. When I called her to tell her I had found it, she told me to keep it as MTV had upgraded her to a newer one. Since old 2004 was about to die, I gladly accepted. A few years later and my big, old bodied iPod numbers 1 and 2 are on the brink of death. Fortunately, my mom won an iPod shuffle at the grocery store...I know, we are a blessed family. I think she was the 100th customer or something. Anyways, the point of all that is that perhaps due to my past iPod experiences, or perhaps simply because I have entitlement issues, I feel like it is unfair that no one has yet handed me a free iPhone. I don't know why exactly I feel like I NEED one, as literally all my friends that I hang out with often have one, so it's not like I can claim I will get lost or not be able to look up a movie time. I have my own computer, as well as a work computer that I can bring home with me. But none of the that is the point. I WANT ONE and I want it now. I have 4 very close friends whose husbands/boyfriends gave them one, so maybe I'll add that to my list of entitled hopes: boyfriend approaches, riding on a narwhal on the tumultuous seas, holding out an iPhone towards me as I wait on the shore, my long black locks waving in the winds of change...
22 July 2009
The then and now
Yesterday I was thinking about all the fun games I used to play as a child, and discovered that ironically I am still playing most of them today. The only difference is, now it doesn't feel a lot like playing. For instance:
THEN: My sister and I used to close all the doors in our little upstairs hallway, cover the floor with pillows, turn out the lights and then proceed to run around and continuously fall over with all our friends. It was a chaotic, squealing, laughing good time which usually resulted in running into a wall and/or each other. NOW: I run around having no clue what job to take, who to date, where to live or what I'm doing half the time--often falling down and ALWAYS running into walls.
THEN: My mom (bless her) used to let me make "recipes" in the kitchen which always, without fail, resulted in a creation of brown disgusting soup/goo into which I would then pour copious amounts of sugar and add sprinkles on top. My mom would then taste it with me, always encouraging me to keep up my "efforts" in cooking. NOW: I still love to cook, but now it's more about is this healthy, when will I have time to make something before work, and why are groceries SO expensive?
THEN: I would spend hours playing outside with my friends. The dogwood tree was a boat/fort/castle/time machine and the swing set was a huge catapult with a slide that led to a pool of lava. NOW: I feel guilty if I don't work out 5 days a week, I complain about sore muscles and keep waiting to wake up looking like Cameron Diaz in Charlie's Angels II...still waiting...
You get the idea. It's not that I'm not a joyful person, in fact I am an idealist and an optimist who can normally have fun doing almost anything. It's just that, compared to all those things when I was a kid, the day to day activities seem to have lost a lot of their carefree joy. Instead of playing, I work out. Instead of inventing, I cook dinner. Instead of embracing the uncertainty of running around a tiny room with pillows covering the floor, I fear the unknown and take tiny baby steps towards my dreams. I was trying t0 pinpoint what the difference is between the THEN and the NOW. Although I had about as near to a perfect childhood as one could ask for, it still was far from perfect. I had fears then (of course most of them involved wondering if my guinea pig Laura would live forever as I hoped she would) and I have fears now. I had problems then as I do now (mainly my sister locking me out of her awesome room of wonders and sticker books). But back then, despite my child-size trials and tribulations, at the end of the day I knew my mom and dad would take care of me. In my mini-Lexi mind I knew that they could solve anything. My dad (the fix-it-up-Chappie) and my mom (the Queen of our household, reigning in love and mom-wisdom) always knew what to do. But here's the thing: I may be a grown up now, and my mom and dad (who will of course always be hugely a part of my life) aren't running the show. But. God. Is.
And that is what can make all the difference. It frees me up to play and dream and create. Yes I have bills and go through suffering and doubts which is a part of being an adult. But I don't have to lose that child-like faith that at the end of the day, I know God is in control and will take care of me.
And just think of all the time that will free up to run around outside playing with dragons...
THEN: My sister and I used to close all the doors in our little upstairs hallway, cover the floor with pillows, turn out the lights and then proceed to run around and continuously fall over with all our friends. It was a chaotic, squealing, laughing good time which usually resulted in running into a wall and/or each other. NOW: I run around having no clue what job to take, who to date, where to live or what I'm doing half the time--often falling down and ALWAYS running into walls.
THEN: My mom (bless her) used to let me make "recipes" in the kitchen which always, without fail, resulted in a creation of brown disgusting soup/goo into which I would then pour copious amounts of sugar and add sprinkles on top. My mom would then taste it with me, always encouraging me to keep up my "efforts" in cooking. NOW: I still love to cook, but now it's more about is this healthy, when will I have time to make something before work, and why are groceries SO expensive?
THEN: I would spend hours playing outside with my friends. The dogwood tree was a boat/fort/castle/time machine and the swing set was a huge catapult with a slide that led to a pool of lava. NOW: I feel guilty if I don't work out 5 days a week, I complain about sore muscles and keep waiting to wake up looking like Cameron Diaz in Charlie's Angels II...still waiting...
You get the idea. It's not that I'm not a joyful person, in fact I am an idealist and an optimist who can normally have fun doing almost anything. It's just that, compared to all those things when I was a kid, the day to day activities seem to have lost a lot of their carefree joy. Instead of playing, I work out. Instead of inventing, I cook dinner. Instead of embracing the uncertainty of running around a tiny room with pillows covering the floor, I fear the unknown and take tiny baby steps towards my dreams. I was trying t0 pinpoint what the difference is between the THEN and the NOW. Although I had about as near to a perfect childhood as one could ask for, it still was far from perfect. I had fears then (of course most of them involved wondering if my guinea pig Laura would live forever as I hoped she would) and I have fears now. I had problems then as I do now (mainly my sister locking me out of her awesome room of wonders and sticker books). But back then, despite my child-size trials and tribulations, at the end of the day I knew my mom and dad would take care of me. In my mini-Lexi mind I knew that they could solve anything. My dad (the fix-it-up-Chappie) and my mom (the Queen of our household, reigning in love and mom-wisdom) always knew what to do. But here's the thing: I may be a grown up now, and my mom and dad (who will of course always be hugely a part of my life) aren't running the show. But. God. Is.
And that is what can make all the difference. It frees me up to play and dream and create. Yes I have bills and go through suffering and doubts which is a part of being an adult. But I don't have to lose that child-like faith that at the end of the day, I know God is in control and will take care of me.
And just think of all the time that will free up to run around outside playing with dragons...
20 July 2009
500 Reasons why I loved 500 Days of Summer
Ok, I'm not going to list all 500. But I could! (NOTE: I don't think this post gives away anything about the movie you wouldn't know from seeing the trailer)
1. My love for Zooey Deschanal borders on stalkernesss. Except that I don't stalk her. But I do love love love her and sort of (completely) want to be her. I'm sure you all feel the same.
2. There is a psuedo musical number mid-movie (which I won't explain more of in hopes that you will all go and see it) but needless to say, that sort of thing happens in my life (mind) all the time, complete with animated birds (unicorns). Love it!
3. The movie is set in LA but I thought it was NYC for the first 2/3 of the movie. AND I've lived here for 8 years. So basically they succeeded in making LA into a magical new city that I can't wait to go and take part in (hopefully this new expedition into LA life will include my own personal Joseph Gordon-Levitt?)
4. I love movies that are told out of order--especially since this movie is about a relationship and that is so often how we remember things
5. The movie completely validates my previous post on love/love lost--Utter romantic character falls in love and when it doesn't work out questions everything he believed about soul mates/destiny/love. Ain't love grand? GO SEE IT!
1. My love for Zooey Deschanal borders on stalkernesss. Except that I don't stalk her. But I do love love love her and sort of (completely) want to be her. I'm sure you all feel the same.
2. There is a psuedo musical number mid-movie (which I won't explain more of in hopes that you will all go and see it) but needless to say, that sort of thing happens in my life (mind) all the time, complete with animated birds (unicorns). Love it!
3. The movie is set in LA but I thought it was NYC for the first 2/3 of the movie. AND I've lived here for 8 years. So basically they succeeded in making LA into a magical new city that I can't wait to go and take part in (hopefully this new expedition into LA life will include my own personal Joseph Gordon-Levitt?)
4. I love movies that are told out of order--especially since this movie is about a relationship and that is so often how we remember things
5. The movie completely validates my previous post on love/love lost--Utter romantic character falls in love and when it doesn't work out questions everything he believed about soul mates/destiny/love. Ain't love grand? GO SEE IT!
17 July 2009
I love it/I hate it
Here's a fun game: what is one thing you love and one thing you hate today? Here is my example, I hope you will all post your own.
LOVE IT: Hardware stores. What's that, you say? It's true! Today I went to three hardware stores in search of some illusive air filters and something about the chaotic but systematic organization combined with the smell of who knows what (wood? tools? metal?) just makes me feel like I'm in a happy small town and I'm about to walk outside to get my Bernese Mountain Dog who is waiting patiently by the parking meter and take her to get an ice cream cone. Or something like that. I think my love for small, non-chain (well actually they are all owned by ACE--who you can now follow on Twitter according to their website...what the heck do they post? Hammers have now dropped in price from 9.99 to 7.89, come on down--@drillbitwoodshavings) Don't get me wrong, I love a good trip to Home Depot when you need something obvious, but these smaller hardware stores are really where it's at. They remind me of going to the hardware store with my Mom on the main street in the town where I spent the first 7 years of my life and feeling like all was right in the world because the nice man behind the counter gave me a lollipop while mom picked out an outdoor light bulb. Today, for instance, at Busy Bee Hardware in Santa Monica, the 100 year old man behind the counter let me go in the employees only section with him to locate the air filters and then climbed up a ladder and dropped them down to me. Where else can you find 100 year old employees climbing ladders so gracefully, so cheerfully? He even gave me a discount--I think I may be the only female who ever comes into the store. Either way, I think local hardware stores may be the key to feeling that home-town feeling in a city as big as LA.
HATE IT: Fox's up and coming show More to Love. (for those of you who Tivo past all commercials, it is essentially The Bachelor with all the women contestants being on the heavier side) OK people, here comes a rant. FIRST of all, since when is it OK to define "real women" as either size 2 or size 14? Last time I checked I was a real woman (or at least that's what Shania told me) and I am in between. Second of all, and what I hate the most, is that this show parades itself as some sort of friendly, accepting, "finally letting the big girls have their moment in the spotlight" show, while really objectifying those very women and doing so in front of the whole world. I could go on and on, but here is my main point. Obviously shows like that are anything but real anyways (this coming from someone who actually likes watching The Bachelor/Bachelorette), so why even bother trying to claim that this larger version is any more "real"? Corralling 30 women into a mansion to compete for a man's attention so he can propose and then later break-up with her (or vice versa with Bachelorette) is not generally the way real people fall in love, so let's just call this show the shock factor factory that it is. Honestly, my heart breaks for these women, who have some how been convinced that they will feel better about themselves if they confess their deepest insecurities about love/their bodies/etc in front of millions of viewers. Reality dating shows can be fun to watch, but honestly this latest version makes me sick.
LOVE IT: Hardware stores. What's that, you say? It's true! Today I went to three hardware stores in search of some illusive air filters and something about the chaotic but systematic organization combined with the smell of who knows what (wood? tools? metal?) just makes me feel like I'm in a happy small town and I'm about to walk outside to get my Bernese Mountain Dog who is waiting patiently by the parking meter and take her to get an ice cream cone. Or something like that. I think my love for small, non-chain (well actually they are all owned by ACE--who you can now follow on Twitter according to their website...what the heck do they post? Hammers have now dropped in price from 9.99 to 7.89, come on down--@drillbitwoodshavings) Don't get me wrong, I love a good trip to Home Depot when you need something obvious, but these smaller hardware stores are really where it's at. They remind me of going to the hardware store with my Mom on the main street in the town where I spent the first 7 years of my life and feeling like all was right in the world because the nice man behind the counter gave me a lollipop while mom picked out an outdoor light bulb. Today, for instance, at Busy Bee Hardware in Santa Monica, the 100 year old man behind the counter let me go in the employees only section with him to locate the air filters and then climbed up a ladder and dropped them down to me. Where else can you find 100 year old employees climbing ladders so gracefully, so cheerfully? He even gave me a discount--I think I may be the only female who ever comes into the store. Either way, I think local hardware stores may be the key to feeling that home-town feeling in a city as big as LA.
HATE IT: Fox's up and coming show More to Love. (for those of you who Tivo past all commercials, it is essentially The Bachelor with all the women contestants being on the heavier side) OK people, here comes a rant. FIRST of all, since when is it OK to define "real women" as either size 2 or size 14? Last time I checked I was a real woman (or at least that's what Shania told me) and I am in between. Second of all, and what I hate the most, is that this show parades itself as some sort of friendly, accepting, "finally letting the big girls have their moment in the spotlight" show, while really objectifying those very women and doing so in front of the whole world. I could go on and on, but here is my main point. Obviously shows like that are anything but real anyways (this coming from someone who actually likes watching The Bachelor/Bachelorette), so why even bother trying to claim that this larger version is any more "real"? Corralling 30 women into a mansion to compete for a man's attention so he can propose and then later break-up with her (or vice versa with Bachelorette) is not generally the way real people fall in love, so let's just call this show the shock factor factory that it is. Honestly, my heart breaks for these women, who have some how been convinced that they will feel better about themselves if they confess their deepest insecurities about love/their bodies/etc in front of millions of viewers. Reality dating shows can be fun to watch, but honestly this latest version makes me sick.
15 July 2009
Today's Blue Plate Special
Today's Blue Plate Special:
I am excited today/this week/in general about new albums coming out soon from A Fine Frenzy and Imogen Heap. YAY for great music and female singer/songwriters!
Also amazing: Any company that doesn't come up with an original logo that has anything to do with their actual product or service, and instead uses some form of a smiley face. Way to go, lures me right in.
Harry Potter: I'm jumping on the sin wagon and seeing the latest Harry Potter flick tonight! I love love love the series and although I haven't been obsessed with any of the movies, I do love to see them opening day and bask in delight of seeing grown muggles dressed up in red and yellow scarves and robes. (PS: if you don't get that I'm joking about the sin wagon bit, you and I should have a talk soon about my general ideas on how all great stories contain good vs. evil, the hypocrisy of loving the Narnia books or Lord of the Rings trilogy and yet claiming Harry Potter is a bad influence, or about how just because a book is marketed for children doesn't mean you have to let your 2nd grader read it and then blame witchcraft for his nightmares...I digress)
My Parents: have you met them? They are amazing. So is their boat, and I love when they come and visit and we sail the tumultuous seas together. I'm on a boat! (snl.com--check it)
I am excited today/this week/in general about new albums coming out soon from A Fine Frenzy and Imogen Heap. YAY for great music and female singer/songwriters!
Also amazing: Any company that doesn't come up with an original logo that has anything to do with their actual product or service, and instead uses some form of a smiley face. Way to go, lures me right in.
Harry Potter: I'm jumping on the sin wagon and seeing the latest Harry Potter flick tonight! I love love love the series and although I haven't been obsessed with any of the movies, I do love to see them opening day and bask in delight of seeing grown muggles dressed up in red and yellow scarves and robes. (PS: if you don't get that I'm joking about the sin wagon bit, you and I should have a talk soon about my general ideas on how all great stories contain good vs. evil, the hypocrisy of loving the Narnia books or Lord of the Rings trilogy and yet claiming Harry Potter is a bad influence, or about how just because a book is marketed for children doesn't mean you have to let your 2nd grader read it and then blame witchcraft for his nightmares...I digress)
My Parents: have you met them? They are amazing. So is their boat, and I love when they come and visit and we sail the tumultuous seas together. I'm on a boat! (snl.com--check it)
10 July 2009
I don't know your life (******)
I was in Starbucks buying some tea today and having a serious chat on the phone with one of my best friends. I usually hang up when I'm in a store, but I didn't want to be rude to my friend who was in the midst of an important story. Well the cheeky guy behind the counter picks up a banana (which by the way they sell now for .99 and they're all really pretty and not over-ripe) and starts pretending he's on the phone with it. I start to laugh and say "sorry", but he says "that's ok, I'm on the phone too". Although it was borderline awkward, since he was blantantly trying to make me feel bad for being on the phone, I found it to be quite amusing and well done. I remember working at Anthropologie and feeling like I was someone's servant while they chatted away on the phone and never acknowledged my presence as I rung them up and thinking it was pretty rude. Granted, I would have gotten in serious trouble for doing what he did, but hey--he was cute and it was clever and it made me laugh. Well played, Starbucks man, well played.
Beans and Hippos
A lot of people say they have the cutest kids (or in my case niece and nephew). I have the distinction of actually having THE CUTEST niece and nephew in all the land. Here are some pics from their recent trip to KY for the 4th.
Rocking my World Today:
1. The Addiction Dance on So You Think You Can Dance: There were tears
2. The little pink hats that my keys wear to help me remember which one is the top lock and which is the bottom: helpful AND attractive
3. Yogurtland: Don't worry, I still love Pinkberry's tart flavor the best, but for other flavor and self serve toppings, Yogurtland is where it's at this summer. Plus I love those pink and green spoons! Last night's combo--Vanilla Waffer, Chocolate, and Peanut Butter.
4. www.stuffchristianslike.net
It is hilarious, witty, and challanging.
2. The little pink hats that my keys wear to help me remember which one is the top lock and which is the bottom: helpful AND attractive
3. Yogurtland: Don't worry, I still love Pinkberry's tart flavor the best, but for other flavor and self serve toppings, Yogurtland is where it's at this summer. Plus I love those pink and green spoons! Last night's combo--Vanilla Waffer, Chocolate, and Peanut Butter.
4. www.stuffchristianslike.net
It is hilarious, witty, and challanging.
09 July 2009
Things I love Today
1. Trader Joe's version of Pirate's Booty: White Pouffertons of Delight!!!
2. Wednesday Discounted Car Washes
3. The Josh and Jamey Crazy Picture Telephone Game (they didn't make it up, and that's not the actual name, but they did bring it into my life and I have no idea what its real name is):
Step one: write down a random detailed sentence and pass to next person
Step two: that person draws a picture of your exact sentence, passes it on
Step three: next person writes a sentence of your picture, passes
Step four: next person draws a new picture, passes
Etc until it gets to the last person. Then you read them all/show them all and laugh until your heart explodes--believe me, unless you are all amazing artists you will end up with a very changed end product. I challange you all to play this game!
What do you love today?
2. Wednesday Discounted Car Washes
3. The Josh and Jamey Crazy Picture Telephone Game (they didn't make it up, and that's not the actual name, but they did bring it into my life and I have no idea what its real name is):
Step one: write down a random detailed sentence and pass to next person
Step two: that person draws a picture of your exact sentence, passes it on
Step three: next person writes a sentence of your picture, passes
Step four: next person draws a new picture, passes
Etc until it gets to the last person. Then you read them all/show them all and laugh until your heart explodes--believe me, unless you are all amazing artists you will end up with a very changed end product. I challange you all to play this game!
What do you love today?
Don't Cry for Me, BloggyFriends
I like to write about lobsters, love, and love lost. It's a topic that interests me and comes up a lot in conversations with friends. BUT I'm also lovin my life! So don't misinterpret my blogs as a step towards catladydom or shed any tears on my behalf. x
08 July 2009
From Romanticism to Cynicism and Back Again
This past weekend, a friend of mine (who is British so obviously amazing!) was commenting on my life motto (Live.Love.Lose.Love.Live). One my best friends, Code Name Earrings, was kind enough to pass on my life motto during her time in the UK, so now it is floating around out there in my other favorite country. Anyways, he was mentioning that if it were up to him, the motto would actually be swapped to say Live.Love.Lose.LIVE.LOVE because he feels like after you lose, you learn to live before you can love again. He also pointed out that you don't have to love again in order to be living. This lead to a very interesting conversation about two of my favorite subjects--love and mottos. I thought I would share with you what my answer to him was.
Before I fell in love for the first time (and subsequently got my heart good and ripped out) I had a very idealistic view of love. This makes sense as I am an unwavering optimist and romantic(looking a Bride magazines to pass time on long flights at the age of 5). In a way I idolized love, thinking that it was somehow this pure life force that, once acquired, would be like an explosion of unicorns, rainbows, and Reese's Peanut Butter cups (or something like that...actually it sounds kind of scary if the unicorns are actually exploding instead of simply bursting forth from the rainbow). When that love did not work out (and I mean REALLY didn't work out) I thought this meant that either 1. it hadn't actually been love or 2. everything I had ever imagined about love, and the person I was in love with was actually false and nothing in life could ever be trusted again (can you tell I am also passionate and dramatic?) It took me a long time (and some very wise counsel) to see that just because love doesn't work out doesn't mean that it was not amazing or worth experiencing, sometimes you just end up loving someone who isn't your lobster, which usually involves an ending where people get hurt. This is a critical realization and a key part of growing up. It's almost like there were two versions of me: the before love and the after heartbreak. And honestly, although there is something really beautiful about the pure, naive idea of love I used to hold, I am glad I have been (painfully) enlightened. Now I realize that you may end up being in love with a bunch of people before you find someone you want to marry, and I think that's OK. I have a hard time when people over-emphasize things like not saying I love you (not that we should throw it around) because we think that somehow protects us from the actual love we are feeling (and not saying). Love is precious, but it isn't a one time only deal for most of us. And if we are determined to make it such (in dating), we are setting ourselves up to be exceedingly disappointed if it doesn't work out. Side note: there is a lot to be said for being in high school or college when experiencing this breakthrough as there is still A LOT of growing up to be done. And that is really what my life motto is about. After the losing, you experience a different kind of love: you realize that you can love apart from the heartache you have experienced. You can love your family, your friends, and the ultimate point: you can love and BE LOVED by God. And then you are living again! So although it may seem that my motto is simply about moving from heartache to heartache in search of the perfect blend of Harry Potter, Ryan Gosling, and Boaz (shout out to all the Christian seminars on love involving Ruth and Boaz written by people who seem to have found a lot of romance in the book that I simply have never found, sorry!) but what I'm really saying is that after you get your heart broken by a man/woman or any hard situation in life, you come to a place where you re-learn some important truths about love. For me the most important was that no one satisfies like God, no one on earth will ever live up to all my expectations, and it wasn't until I dealt with that that I felt ready to love and be loved in return (if you want you can sing that line and pretend you are Ewan McGregor in Moulin Rouge...I did!). And once you realize that earthly love is never perfect, you no longer have to live in fear that you will somehow always mess it up, or never be enough. And then my friends, you are really living!
As always I welcome your thoughts, arguments, and life mottos.
Before I fell in love for the first time (and subsequently got my heart good and ripped out) I had a very idealistic view of love. This makes sense as I am an unwavering optimist and romantic(looking a Bride magazines to pass time on long flights at the age of 5). In a way I idolized love, thinking that it was somehow this pure life force that, once acquired, would be like an explosion of unicorns, rainbows, and Reese's Peanut Butter cups (or something like that...actually it sounds kind of scary if the unicorns are actually exploding instead of simply bursting forth from the rainbow). When that love did not work out (and I mean REALLY didn't work out) I thought this meant that either 1. it hadn't actually been love or 2. everything I had ever imagined about love, and the person I was in love with was actually false and nothing in life could ever be trusted again (can you tell I am also passionate and dramatic?) It took me a long time (and some very wise counsel) to see that just because love doesn't work out doesn't mean that it was not amazing or worth experiencing, sometimes you just end up loving someone who isn't your lobster, which usually involves an ending where people get hurt. This is a critical realization and a key part of growing up. It's almost like there were two versions of me: the before love and the after heartbreak. And honestly, although there is something really beautiful about the pure, naive idea of love I used to hold, I am glad I have been (painfully) enlightened. Now I realize that you may end up being in love with a bunch of people before you find someone you want to marry, and I think that's OK. I have a hard time when people over-emphasize things like not saying I love you (not that we should throw it around) because we think that somehow protects us from the actual love we are feeling (and not saying). Love is precious, but it isn't a one time only deal for most of us. And if we are determined to make it such (in dating), we are setting ourselves up to be exceedingly disappointed if it doesn't work out. Side note: there is a lot to be said for being in high school or college when experiencing this breakthrough as there is still A LOT of growing up to be done. And that is really what my life motto is about. After the losing, you experience a different kind of love: you realize that you can love apart from the heartache you have experienced. You can love your family, your friends, and the ultimate point: you can love and BE LOVED by God. And then you are living again! So although it may seem that my motto is simply about moving from heartache to heartache in search of the perfect blend of Harry Potter, Ryan Gosling, and Boaz (shout out to all the Christian seminars on love involving Ruth and Boaz written by people who seem to have found a lot of romance in the book that I simply have never found, sorry!) but what I'm really saying is that after you get your heart broken by a man/woman or any hard situation in life, you come to a place where you re-learn some important truths about love. For me the most important was that no one satisfies like God, no one on earth will ever live up to all my expectations, and it wasn't until I dealt with that that I felt ready to love and be loved in return (if you want you can sing that line and pretend you are Ewan McGregor in Moulin Rouge...I did!). And once you realize that earthly love is never perfect, you no longer have to live in fear that you will somehow always mess it up, or never be enough. And then my friends, you are really living!
As always I welcome your thoughts, arguments, and life mottos.
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